Stop Over-Depending on Others: Cut the Puppet Strings and Be Real

 

“Some people think it’s holding tight that makes one strong, but sometimes, it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

 

There’s a sense of being a little out of control of your life, powerful emotions pulling you in different directions, a nagging sense of worry that never lets up, and losing your grip on that sense of who you are and what’s important to you. That’s my least favorite part—the loss of identity.

 

“A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as plain as the nose on your face.” 

 

 ~The Blue Fairy, Pinocchio 

What is Over-Dependency? 

Let’s start out with this: dependency is not a weakness. It’s actually healthy, as long as you can keep it balanced with independence.

We all need to be taken care of, validated, encouraged, and given support. When we can receive these things from others and use them to nurture our spirits, this is healthy dependency.

This is called interdependence, and it’s a beautiful ebb and flow in relationships of both giving and being able to receive. As social as we human beings are, this is pretty necessary for our survival. The instincts for it run deep in our nature.

 Over-dependency is when you find yourself struggling to return to emotional independence when needed. For me, this involves a lot of worry and obsessing over what someone else thinks of me

 

Where Does It Come From?

This varies for different people. Maybe it was the way you were parented, or being bullied in school. How about becoming a teenager and suddenly feeling the cultural pressure to be a model/genius/super-star? Maybe it was being treated badly in a romantic relationship.

 My victim mentality followed me into other areas of life, and it has taken great courage and a lot of practice to learn how to take it off and let my self-worth stand on its own again.    

Ways to Ease Back into Interdependence

1. Let your conscience be your guide.

Listen to the small voice inside you. It’s our warning for when things are becoming unhealthy. Be aware of yourself and how you start to act and feel when you’re wrapped up in pleasing others. Think honestly about how you’ve been caring for yourself lately.

2. Get some distance.

Try spending some time with yourself to see if it clears your head. It’s also a good way to mentally check your relationships. The healthy people in your life will give you space when you need it, then be glad to see you return.

3. Give yourself love.

Others aren’t the only ones who can fulfill your need for love. In fact, if you don’t love yourself, you might have a hard time accepting or feeling like you deserve their love.

4. Give others love.

Strangely, over-dependency becomes highly self-focused. I’ve found the easiest and warmest way to slip back into the ebb and flow of interdependence is to give in small ways to other people around me, without expecting anything back.

 

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Release Your Anger by Choosing to Lose

 

“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Miller

 I’d like to share the mindfulness tricks that I used that day to recover from this short burst of insanity. I hope they inspire those among you who unleash the dogs of anger a little too quickly, like me.

 

• Ground yourself.

When angry, stop whatever you’re doing and fully open up to your sensations. Give yourself a minute to experience the physical buzz of anger—shaking hands, cold sweat, racing heart. Breathe deeply and bring your awareness down to each part of your body.

 

• Watch the Mental firework.

Anger is a red comet leaving a trail of resentful thoughts. It often stirs up your own habitual rumination, and it’s easy to let it carry you away. Just remember that mental agitation is totally harmless as long as you don’t follow it.

• Offer a little Compassion.

The Buddha said that compassion is the best antidote against anger, but ideally you want to verify that claim for yourself. Your own experience will speak louder than a teaching given centuries ago.

To put it simply: slip your feet in the other person’s shoes and imagine how it feels to be in their position. It’s probably the best way to dissolve hard feelings.

• Win by losing

Actually, anger intensifies when you try to dominate it. Your attempts at fighting aversion will strengthen it, so let it be.

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Finding Contentment in the Rhythms of an Everyday Life

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.” 

~Paulo Coelho

In acknowledging that feeling of lack, of discontent, and of happiness that comes and goes, I am inviting that peace to return to the rhythm.   

It will undoubtedly still be a rhythm of trial, of melancholy, and of immeasurable joy, because that is what being human is about. It is about celebrating the mountaintops and accepting the valleys and their shadows.

 

Joy and peace remain present even when they seem buried beneath wanting, discontent and overwhelming schedules.


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How to Find Your Path When Life Suddenly Changes

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” 

~Ruth E. Renkel

 

• Everyone deals with life changes. 

We might get laid off during employee appreciation week, hear our romantic partner proclaim out-of-the-blue that he or she is leaving us, or be diagnosed with a disease we thought happened to “other people.”

• Human existence can be described as a continuous stream of changes.

When life suddenly changes, it’s a normal reaction to feel confused and disoriented.

• The fog might take a while to dissipate. 

When we go through a challenge, we might not see what options are available to us for days, weeks, months, and even years. Sometimes the uncertainty, or the anger, or the pain seems to last forever.

• We can choose to keep moving even if clarity hasn’t arrived yet.

Even when everything seems confusing and scary, happiness is still within reach.

• Clarity arrives gradually.

Once we reach clarity, everything makes sense.

All the pieces of the puzzle fall into place to tell us that there was a meaning in what happened to us

The road to clarity and purpose was arduous and longer than I expected. When I thought I had reached my final destination, another change or another challenge would pop up.

By engaging in activities that added meaning to my life, I connected with my purpose, and now this purpose is as clear as a cloudless sky: I intend to help people realize their magnificence. Clarity allowed me to regain control of my destiny.

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According to doctors you can really die from a broken heart syndrome.....

Some of those stories you heard or read about in a novel along the lines of, ‘unable to cope with the grief, she finally died of a broken heart…’, are so much true.

Scientists have proven that an abrupt shock caused by either good or bad news can generate a fatal reaction in the human heart. This is a condition called Takotsubo cardiomyopathy and involves a provisional weakening of the heart muscle. This weakening is as a result of a strong emotional commotion such as the exposure to constant stress, demise of a loved one or a bad breakup, hence the name ‘broken heart syndrome’.
Let the name not mislead you into believing so, however. You don’t have to experience a heart break to suffer from the broken heart syndrome. Unexpected good news such as winning the lottery could result to a state of emotional stress that your body undergoes as a result of a very strong adrenaline surge that could lead to a cardiac arrest.

Indian businessman swallowed 12 bars of gold, lied to surgeons it was a bottle cap!

 Do you know ?

It’s amazing the things money can make us do. A 63-year-old businessman from India swallowed 12 gold bars the size of small biscuits in yet unclear circumstances. The man began complaining of pain and vomiting before admitting to the doctors that he had accidentally swallowed a water bottle cap, but alas!

Pictures of an X-ray showed something that didn’t look like a bottle cap at all. Upon opening him up, the surgeons were shocked to discover 12 gold bars each weighing 33g and estimated to be worth $23,300 inside the man’s stomach.
Doctors say the gold bars would have led to severe bleeding had it stayed there for a few more days, and eventually ruptured the intestines and caused blood poisoning. The New Delhi businessman, thought to be a known patient at the hospital, seems to have landed himself in trouble after Indian custom officials confiscated the gold and began to question him. One of the largest consumers of gold, the second-most populous nation in the world had tightened the noose on gold importation after many incidences of smuggling. Import tax on gold has been increased three times in a bid to subdue demand for the metal.

A British man runs full marathons with a fridge on his back!

It’s no mean feat to run and complete a marathon, right? Well, a British man going by the name Tony Phoenix-Morrison and nicknamed ‘Tony The Fridge’ takes it even a mile further: the man, a year short of 50, runs the marathon with a refrigerator strapped to his back.

Morrison does this with the intention of capturing everyone’s attention so that he can raise extra funds for his charity projects. Quite an inventive way, don’t you think? He says he was looking for a real challenge and that he ended up with the fridge idea. And grab attention he did since the world was soon talking about the man who runs the marathon carrying a 92-pound fridge on his back.
In fact, Morrison appeared in the news in 17 different countries. He revealed that he has taken into running since he was a little boy since this is the one sure way to escape from his everyday problems. The refrigerator is a physical pain he admits, but he also adds that he had managed to raise lots of funds for the Bobby Robson Foundation which is spearheading a battle against cancer.