“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
~Maya Angelou
I had buttressed myself with stability and material comforts not
because they were the things I truly wanted, but because they were the
things that I could hold as evidence that I had survived my tumultuous
past and developed into a responsible adult.
In a culture where addiction and mental illness are stigmatized, I
couldn’t bear the fact that those two illnesses, in some ways, shaped
the framework through which I viewed the world.
Shame is insidious. It disguises itself as a desire to be a better
person, a commitment to moving on. Meanwhile, it burrows deep into your
soul and makes a home there until the day that you break open and expose
it to the light.
It was heart-wrenching to uncover the truth. I had labeled
myself a survivor because I was unwilling to acknowledge the pain that I
carried within me. I defined myself by my experiences, and so created a
life where every action was driven by my past.
I had to let go of the lies I told myself in order to become my most authentic self.
All of my past experiences have certainly contributed to my perception
of life, but I know now that those experiences do not have to shape my
present.
I can acknowledge the pain of past experiences while still choosing to
experience the present from a place of joy. That choice was made simple
by taking just one step: I let go of the labels I had given myself.
I no longer make decisions out of fear. Rather than analyze every
situation through a framework created by years of dysfunctional
relationships, I trust my instincts. I take care to notice the stories I
tell myself and I consciously choose whether or not to believe them.
Take a moment to listen to your own narrative. How do you define
yourself? Write down a short description of who you are and where you
come from. Then, take an honest look at your narrative and decide if
that is the person you want to be.
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